Nobody told me

There are a few things nobody told me about being a mother.

Nobody told me I could feel like I have won the lottery AND dropped through the rabbit hole all in the same day.  In the same hour, really.

Nobody told me what would happen to the skin on my tummy.

Nobody told me I would vacillate between wanting to have a career assembling light products at home so I can be with my children more and wanting to have a career as a CEO of a multinational corporation so that I can hire people to be with my children more.  Unfortunately my skill set does not lend itself to either of these careers.

Nobody told me how to wash little girl hair.

Nobody told me about the knees on little boy pants.

Nobody told me that I would actually say “What is WRONG with you?” to my child and expect a cogent answer.

Nobody told me that I could be so in love.

Nobody told me that my bladder would give out when skipping rope or running.

Nobody told me about those baby hairs that grow back about 6 months after you give birth.  For evidence, check out Katie Holmes’ wedding pictures, where she looks like she has some messed up mini-fringe bangs.

Nobody told me that some days I would be living in a bird’s nest of paper scraps, baby toys, dog hair and granola bar wrappers.

Nobody told me how proud I would feel sometimes just having one of my children sitting on my lap.

Nobody told me how I would post an “I love you mom” card on the fridge because it is basically a pay cheque for me.

Nobody told me I would not have a union rep, or at least an ombudsperson to talk to.

Nobody told me to write all of this down but I think it’s a good idea.  That way my kids won’t think they are going crazy when they become parents.  Or, they’ll think they are going crazy, but they will know it is normal.  This IS normal, right?